Mmm. Gals in oxford cotton buttondowns, hair down, skirts. Losing a stiletto as they cross the street. Burger King stains. Hair half-cut. Squawking like birds. Crying, covered in taped-on flashlights. Eating Burger King off the ground. Growling and squawking at passerbys, eating fries from their stilettos, singing the National Anthem. Gals telling you they love you. You, somehow believing it.

Gals making the most of every opportunity and courthouse marrying you. Gals squealing like fire engines all the way down the aisle, even though it is a courthouse. Gals in wedding dresses made of provolone cheese. The cheese leaving its pungency in the courtroom for weeks, the judge requesting everyone meet in the foyer for small-claims for a little bit. You know how it is.

Gals bearing your first born and naming it Paperclip. Dying all the baby hair rainbow colors. Teaching Paperclip to deliver sandwiches to people on trays at the local sub shop. Child labor, really. Gals, now forgetting their love, to divorce you for a vacuum cleaner. You, somehow thinking this sucks. What about Paperclip? And all that supplementary sandwich income? Gals, you kooks, you!

Gals leaving you high and dry like a kook. You, literally on a mountain and covered in baby powder. Gals waving to you from the helicopter they stole as they chugachug across the treeline, Baby Paperclip at the controls, gurgling. Gals wobbling low, still somehow above the pines, their oxford cotton buttondowns looking fantastic in the distance, a brilliant flashlight-white from the cockpit glare. Paperclip, keeping the chopper steady, all that sandwich delivery a great study in maintaining stability. Paperclip, you lil’ kook. You sammy kook. Keep ‘er steady!

You, left with only a Burger King hamburger and the ripped off spike of a stiletto. The stiletto, slathered in glitter.

A note attached to the hamburger, Sharpie marker on lettuce. A lettuce note that reads:

Hello. Lettuce introduce ourselves, if that’s not too spontaneous. We are gals. A real pleasure. Let’s take it slow.

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